Rethinking Schools - 6/10/25

June 10th 2025

Rethinking Schools - Volume 39, No. 2

Table Talk: An IEP Meeting - from the Other Side

Author:  Anne Smith

      After reading several articles on the Rethinking Schools site, I was drawn to one article in particular. Maybe it was because I felt a connection to this personal story and journey that Anne Smith told, or perhaps I just understood what it was like to be on “the Other Side” too. Anne Smith is very real and rare in her experiences at an IEP meeting as an educated woman/parent/guardian of color who just happens to also be a teacher.

The author describes the very real struggles of the day for all parents, starting with feeling and possibly looking disheveled on a day when you really didn’t want to be, but it’s too late now, and so are you for the IEP meeting. She walks into the room and immediately feels like she is the outsider. Just like most parents who have to walk into an IEP meeting at any school, she felt overwhelmed and struggled to find her voice in a room filled with people who literally sucked the air right out of your lungs. It is quite a different feeling to be on the “other side of the table”. The IEP struggle is real for parents, which is my first point to address. Anne describes the feeling of walking into the room with the only seat left for her, and the head of the table was for the director of special education, an obvious show of power. Just as we learned about in the SWCAMMP exercises and through Delpit, the power is always there. Sadly, the power needs to be in the hands of the parent, but that is often not the case, and even less so if you are a person of color. 

    Smith talks about the uprising in her head and body to find her voice to be the advocate, stating, “When the ancestors rise up, there is no holding me back.” She did not want to be “ a piece of black pepper expected to drown out in a sea of salt” any longer. She was not the person who they saw as a “disheveled, overweight single, late black woman. A walking stereotype”. It was at that moment that she decided that she would no longer be dismissed and found her voice. Anne spoke from her heart, knowing that she was the most important in the room, describing to the all white panel that she was an educated black woman with a master's degree in education who knew and understood the educational systems and IEPs. Her voice was so impressive that it sucked the air out of the people who sat there just minutes earlier judging her for her appearance. 

     I, too, have been on both sides of the table at an IEP meeting. I could relate to that sick feeling in your stomach; the feeling trying to find your voice; the feeling of feeling like the life is being sucked out of you, and most importantly the feeling of the words that burn as if they are “landing on your soul”. I can only imagine how painful it must have been for her to sit through the judgment in addition to the feelings just described. It is upsetting to think that she was treated this way in part due to the color of her skin and in part due to the ignorance of the people at the table who didn’t show the respect to the person who has the largest stake in the first place and should have a voice ... .the parent. Being on both sides of the table only makes me a better teacher and parent. It took me a while to find my voice, too. It is all too often that parents, including myself, feel like they have to “get ready” for the IEP meeting and put on the body armor that protects us from the tears. I can begin to even fathom how hard it must be for a person of color to attend a meeting and be treated as Anne was during the meeting. No parent should have to resort to using their education to their advantage because, as educators, all parents should be treated fairly and the same. Ask yourselves… are they? If you are honest, I am sure your answer will be no. I hope you never have to sit on the other side of the table, but if you do, remember to find your voice because your child will thank you. 

*** I found some interesting articles and podcasts on one of my favorite websites, Understood.org. The articles and podcast not only speak IEP tips for all parents but especially for those of color.